Second day

Had mixed emotion for the second day of remedial. Well, I think all the eagerness to be a remedial student is starting to be wash away by the weird and uncomfortable environment of the school. It was also partially my fault actually for being unable to communicate with people effectively. I blame my slow brain and lack of efficiency mouth for being incoherent when I try to have a conversation. I stutter a lot and my brain cannot find the correct words and also my voice has uncontrollable frequency and altitude making me feel like an idiot when talking to another person. I try to be kind and thoughtful to people but end up making myself look like an ass.
I don't hate lab staffs but I really really hate lab works. So messy and makes my hands feel dry. I already lost count on how many times I get cuts by making study models. I really really REALLY HATE lab works. I wasn't very friendly with other people. I am not a person who talks much nor listen to others much. I am not the kind to strike a conversation with an unknown person. Usually, I only talk to express myself rather than talk about other people. Sounds like I'm a self-centered person isn' it?
I have a lot of complaining today, haven't I?Hmmmm..
I don't know since when I have lost my wit. Back then, I easily turn something troubling into something amusing. But, it seems that I have lost that character of me. I want to be the me back then when I frown less and smile a lot. I miss the me back then. All this stress makes me lose myself. I guess it is impossible for me to be like the me back then. I need to improve the me now so that I can frown less and smile a lot again. I cannot do anything about the environment because I need to be here to get my wishes to come true. The easiest way is to run away but that was the option I chose that caused me six months worth of remedial session. That will be a disaster and we don't want that, do we.
I think I have limited life-span of excitedness. I get really excited doing new things initially but the feeling become more and more dull each hour. How am I suppose to sustain my excitedness and eagerness from being thawed by the boring environment? What type of fence should I use to contain these wonderful feelings so they won't get away? Please enlighten me..
Tomorrow will be a new day. So, I can start all over again and do my best to follow all His rules. That is definitely the best way to cope. No one understands better than He does. Not even me understand my own self. But He does. InsyaAllah, everything will get better. I will be smiling tomorrow for crying today. I will smile tomorrow. I WILL!!